Ex-Eastenders star’s show is a Bionic bomb

michelle-ryan.jpgSadly not bomb as in ‘da bomb’, or even bomb as in ‘she’s so hot, what a bombshell’ but just plain old- ‘wow, that show really blows’. Michelle Ryan did a spectacular leap from Easties to star in a major NBC remake of Bionic Woman. Obviously she had to fake a (pretty decent) American accent, otherwise she would have had to play a villain. Americans really seem to think that Britain is a nation of moustache twirling, manically cackling, well dressed bad guys. Lord forbid a good guy might have an English accent. Today however, reports are that the show has been canned without finishing its season.

With the full NBC money machine behind it, Bionic Woman took in some of the highest viewing figures of any new show in the US. But testament to a truly awful story that managed to be both somehow dated (two bionic legs and a bionic arm- meh) and boring, viewers ran far, far away. There were THREE versions of the pilot shot. With that kind of indecisive creative vision, of course the show was going to have a certain blandness. This blandness translated smoothly into the performances. A passionless turn from disgraced Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington and Michelle Ryan’s (sorry luv) grating performance as failed to turn the dismal writing into something believable. Even Katee Sackhoff, who by far gave the most powerful performance as the Bionic girl gone bad, could not save this tragedy of a show. When the moments that are supposed to keep us hooked are ones where Michelle’s character Jamie is unable to use her Bionic arm (“Oh no Jamie’s going to have to use the NON BIONIC ARM!”) you know a show is dead in the water.

Bionic Woman has no doubt had a shorter lease on life due to the writer’s strike. However with NBC’s terrible decision to axe the making of any new pilots it looks like we can look forward to more bland and uninventive shows in future. This basically means that instead of making 30-50 pilots a year, from which the best ones will go to air, shows will now either be commissioned or not. Pilot schemes encourage experimentation and risk taking, however by abandoning this process we will see much more conservative decisions being made. This means we can look forward to remakes of previously successful formulas and spin-offs of what is already on TV. Think ‘Law and Order: Parking Fine Unit’. Still, there may be a good side. Maybe Michelle Ryan can pick up an episode playing a villainous compulsive parking fine flouter. She is English after all.

Terminator TV spin-off starts tonight

Guys, you are in for a treat. Premiering tonight at 10 pm on Virgin 1 is the highly anticipated Terminator spin-off. Rarely has a TV adaptation of a movie got it so right as Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Lovingly made, if at moments a little TOO lovingly, this is a cracking show with the makings of a lasting series.

You might wonder how on earth they are going to make this idea work- I mean Terminator 3 was so tear jerkingly terrible as well as, if I remember rightly, ending in an apocalypse that would seem to make a spin off TV series impossible. Well the first episode cleverly sets up a premise that we can, at a stretch, believe in.

The casting on the whole is great. Sci Fi fans may recognise the young Thomas Dekker, who plays John Connor, from Heroes (gay best friend of the cheerleader in series 1) and Summer Glau (from the tragically doomed but excellent Firefly). Lena Headey is a sexier but still tough as nails Sarah Connor.

Of course, the show doesn’t get it 100% right and there are moments of laugh out loud campness (look out for the line ‘class dismissed’ and you will see what I mean). There are also moments in the series where it spills DANGEROUSLY close to becoming a show that could have been called ‘Terminator High’, with all the teen dramas that you might expect in a show of that name. Don’t be put off though; it only dips a toe in those waters before leaping straight back out to become a gun slinging, car exploding adventure fest.

The terminators themselves are not so scary as you might hope, lacking the brute strength of Arnie or the chilling intensity of Robert Patrick. Cold dead eyes and robotic sprinting do not necessarily a scary terminator make.

As the series unfolds, the real care which has gone into the story becomes clear. These are fully fledged characters with a whole heap of moral issues, dramatic conflicts as well as the ability to kick ass. Like I said, the makings of a lasting show. Watch. Enjoy.

The Brits

The BritsThe Brit Awards started in 1977 and are the annual British music awards , primarily for pop music. There are a set number of categories of awards – some of which are voted for by listeners of Radio 1. This year, viewers of the show were asked to phone in and vote on the Best British Single.

Over the years, The Brits have had their fair amount of controversy – who can forget Jarvis Cocker’s protest of Michael Jackson acting as though he was the Messiah, the terrible pairing of Mick Fleetwood and Samantha Fox as presenters and Brandon Block trading insults with Ronnie Wood. Thus the Brits are greeted with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. The Osbournes hosted the award show, but it seemed to be mainly Sharon and Kelly doing the work with the various presenters. Meanwhile Ozzy sat back in his throne. Sharon wore a number of different outfits that were mainly variations on a long black dress theme (excepting a closing cream sparkly number).

Mika and Beth Ditto opened tonight’s show in what can only be described as a vocal extravaganza by the “odd couple”. Various artists performed together or with a different arrangement and this provided us with interesting results e.g. Rihanna and the Klaxons doing a rendition of Umbrella , Mark Ronson and a number of guests including Adele, Daniel Merriweather and an extremely nervous Amy Winehouse (who did a solo set). Kylie thrilled us and the Kaiser Chiefs did a version of “Ruby” whilst standing on a set made of skyscrapers where the group appeared like giants; Leona Lewis

Presenting the awards we had various celebrities such as Chris Moyles, Will Young, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child, Beth Ditto, David Tennant (better known as Dr. Who) and presenting and award to his co-star Kylie; Denise Van Outen and Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber; James Nesbitt; actress Michelle Ryan; Sir Ian Mckellan; Alan Carr; Vic Reeves.

As the night wore on, presenters and artists became more badly behaved, to the extent that Sharon swore many times at Vic Reeves! The evening was concluded with Paul McCartney accepting a lifetime achievement award and performing and Ozzy messing up his lines to introduce the award (his only job of the night!).

Best Live Act: Take That

Critics Breakthrough Act (new award): Adele

British Breakthrough Act: Mika

International Male Solo Artist: Kanye West

British Male Solo Artist: Mark Ronson (strange, given he does collaborations with other artists such as Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse).

International Female Solo Artist: Kylie

International Group : The Foo Fighters

British Female Solo Artist: Kate Nash

International Album: Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace by The Foo Fighters

British Group: The Arctic Monkeys (dressed like country gents as they accepted their award)

British Single: Shine by Take That

British Album: Favourite Worse Nightmare by The Arctic Monkeys

Lifetime Achievement Award: Sir Paul McCartney

Neighbours Round Up

This week on Ramsay Street, Susan’s mystery illness grows worse, leading to a devastating diagnosis. Susan’s attempts to get back to a normal life are cut short when she loses feeling in her hands and is rushed to hospital for tests. Later, on a shopping trip with Libby and Ben, she is terrified when she loses her sight and is left alone in the car park. This latest symptom leads Karl to suspect the worst, and Susan submits to an MRI scan. The results finally provide a definitive diagnosis - Susan has MS. She and Karl struggle to come to terms with the news, but do their best to be strong for the children. Alone, Karl breaks down under the pressure, while Zeke withdraws from the family, fearing he is about to lose Susan just as he lost his parents.

Bridget is also having a hard time. Frustrated by her lack of physical improvement after the accident and still reeling from Declan’s rejection, she decides to abandon physiotherapy. Her parents tread lightly around her, but Riley demands to know why his feisty little sister is giving up. However, Bridget has cause to reconsider when her paraplegic friend, Josh, attacks her decision. He says he has lost respect for her because she is turning her back on an opportunity he will never have - the chance to walk normally. Bridget returns to the pool for physio, and later she is surprised to discover that Josh’s interest in her runs deeper than she thought.

Elsewhere, Ned and Janae are concerned when Kirsten demands more access to Mickey. Ned admits that he still does not trust Kirsten completely, and when Janae sees her picking Mickey up from school and driving off, she jumps to conclusions. Libby continues to be evasive about her relationship breakdown with Darren and a betrayed Rachel dumps Ringo after she finds out that he kissed Jessica.

Hollyoaks Round Up

Carmel thinks her luck is in this week as Myra organises a party to celebrate Carmel finally becoming a PCSO. When Calvin drops to his knee to give Carmel an engraved police whistle, she thinks he is proposing - and accepts! Nana returns to Hollyoaks, determined to find out who grassed on Myra. Mercedes, still hurting after Rhys jilted her the day before, blames Carmel for everything. Rhys is jealous as Gilly and Beth plan their wedding, and confesses that he stood Mercedes up. Calvin wonders how to win Carmel back as she arrives to get her things. Later, a drunken Nana stumbles home, unaware she is being followed by a vengeful Niall. Mercedes insists Carmel find out who attacked Nana while still blaming her for grassing on Myra.

When Ste is caught trying to steal Carmel’s purse he lies that Leah has leukaemia. Ste is desperate to stop his lie from spreading round the village, but Kris broadcasts his thoughts about leukaemia, and his support for the Barnes family, on the radio. Ste begs Amy not to reveal the truth about Leah, so when Mike turns up desperate to see his granddaughter, Amy tells him that she is very sick in hospital.

Elsewhere, Frankie worries about Newt’s developing relationship with Lauren and encourages Jack to have a man-to-man chat about sex. The couple are already discussing the subject, however, each thinking that the other wants to have sex. Kris laughs off John Paul’s attempts to set up a Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Society as an attempt to recruit fresh totty, and challenges him to a contest.

EastEnders Round Up

It seems as if rebellious Stacey may get a chance to better herself in this week’s visit to Albert Square. Steven decides to help her and puts Stacey forward for a fashion-design course. It isn’t long before she is inspired and decides to get creative by using the unsuspecting Steven as her very own fashion model. When it is revealed that she’s landed an all-important interview at the Fashion College, it seems as if things might really be looking up for her. Will she go for it and make the right impression?

Meanwhile, Tanya is cooking up a plan - she wants her revenge on Max. She lays down her terms to him and Max is initially chuffed that Tanya is letting him back into their lives. But will he agree to abide by Tanya’s rules?  

Elsewhere, Bradley is off to see a man about a job. Shirley, in self-destruct mode, makes a fool of herself on Garry’s birthday and Jane enjoys making a repentant Ian work hard after his confession about Clare.

Emmerdale Round Up

Pollard is having a hard time this week in Emmerdale. Matthew sets Carl on Pollard to bribe their way to the refuse tender. Pollard greedily accepts five thousand pounds but on his return home Val snaffles the cash for their wedding fund. With a favour to the Kings now outstanding, Pollard pays a visit to old foe Councillor May. As primary discussions take place, Pollard is floored when Rosalind enters, introducing herself as Mrs May. When the councillor leaves the room, Rosalind advises Pollard that if he confides in her, all parties can get what they want. Meeting at a top hotel, Pollard is nervous when Rosalind books a room and attempts to lure Pollard into bed. Outside the hotel, Rosalind gives Pollard a goodbye kiss and a mystery camera snaps the evidence. Has Pollard made a huge mistake?  

Meanwhile, Ashley is unsure when Hilary presses ahead with Daniel’s funeral arrangements and worries for Laurel’s state of mind. When the Bishop arrives, Laurel can’t cope and rushes out. Laurel and Ashley both struggle to cope on the morning of Daniel’s funeral. At the service, Laurel is unable to give her reading and so Doug steps in to aid his daughter. Fighting back tears, Ashley then gives a moving eulogy for his son with the congregation welling up, but Laurel can only stare blankly at the coffin. With her faith shaken and family isolated, who will help Laurel through her grief?

Elsewhere, Jo is shocked to see Charlie on her way to the funeral and warns him to take his stuff and leave. Charlie tells Jo that he’s sticking around for the foreseeable future. Indignant Jo tells him to get out so Charlie grabs her by the throat and slams her against a wall. Can Jo find some way to rid herself of Charlie? Doug is a broken man following Daniel’s funeral so Pearl offers him some support. They retire to the village hall and Pearl encourages him to unburden his troubles.

Coronation Street Round Up

Lovesick David has been sulking after his lovers’ tiff with Tina and is delighted when she shows up at the house. She storms out once again and devastated David’s unsure about what he’s done wrong. Gail takes the opportunity to request that Tina doesn’t mess David about and Tina stuns Gail with the news that she’s pregnant. She reveals she hasn’t told her parents and Gail reasons its best she doesn’t tell David yet as they don’t know how he’ll react. Urging Tina not to panic, she books her a doctor’s appointment and promises to help in any way she can. Tina starts to think a termination could be the best solution, Gail tells her not to make a rash decision and suggests she go home and speak to her parents. Is David ready to be a dad?

Ryan is still unhappy at Alex’s continued presence at the Rovers but Steve is hopeful that Michelle will stick to the agreement and send Alex home that evening. Although Michelle knows Alex can’t stay forever, she doesn’t want him to leave and avoids Wendy’s phone calls. When Michelle and Wendy almost come to blows, Steve is forced to intervene. As he escorts Wendy out, he quietly assures her that Michelle will come round. However, Michelle’s torn - he’s her son and she’s feels responsible for him. Will Steve manage to get through to her?

Elsewhere, Ashley is devastated that the butchers is having financial problems and tells Kirk he can’t afford his wages anymore. When Ashley arrives at the house and sees the squalor he and Chesney are living in - he’s worried. Later that day he shares his concerns with Claire and they resolve to revive the business and get Kirk his job back. Will Ashley be able to save the butchers?

Why the U.S. writer’s strike is bad news for Lost fans

Lost (Sky 2, Wednesday 10 pm) fans tuning in tonight may have noticed that the some of the episodes seem to have been, well, lost. With a mere 8 episodes to watch in the latest season as opposed to the 22 we usually have the frustratingly tense anticipation of watching, you might be wondering what the hell is going on in the hills of Hollywood that has caused this sudden absence of some of our favourite American TV shows.

The answer is, whatever is going on, you’d better get used to it. Up until now you may have heard bits and bobs about a writer’s strike in the United States. It has been a necessarily lengthy strike but boy will viewers be paying a price for the next twelve months.

The strike is now over but unfortunately your favourite shows will not return any time soon, quite the opposite. For many shows, what has been shot and edited in the last few months is all that will be made this year. Kaput, no more, done. If Heroes seems to suddenly end in episode 8 that is because there will be NO MORE episodes until season 3. We could be waiting as long as a year to find out if the cheerleader will dump that poor man’s Superman (let’s hope so).

As a direct result of the writer’s strike shows like Lost, Heroes and House have all had to cut their seasons short. House is not back until April this year, while Lost is not expected to air season 5 until February 2009. For a show based on teeth clenching, bone aching, shoulder crunching tension that is a worryingly large amount of time to wait.

Without casting doubt over the writer’s strike, which by all accounts was overdue and necessary, we will find nevertheless that our favourite American TV shows, which provide a lot of the best content on TV these days, will not be gracing us with good viewing for a while yet. As the last episodes of what has been shot this year is aired in the next few months, we will find later in the year that there will be a significant gaps where once the usual US imports used to be.

With this in mind, maybe now is a good time for Britain to start providing some challenging, exciting TV shows rather than cranking yet another British police drama. Set in the moors. With an aging, bitter detective who investigates a murder on a stuffy Estate manor, meanwhile revealing the moderately dark underbelly of the English upper class. Yes we have indeed seen this show ten too many times. It is time, we hope, for Britain to take advantage of the US’s absence on our screens.

Hotel Babylon

Hotel BabylonHotel Babylon is based on the book by Imogen Edwards-Jones and has now started its third series. At the end of the last one, Rebeccca left the hotel and Charlie was promoted to General Manager. The programme focuses on a number of key characters (besides Charlie) :

Hotel Babylon had the honour of presenting a fashion show on behalf of a fashion house called “De Rigeur”, but all was not as it seemed. Desperate for a free dress, Anna was changing into a sample and overheard talking between the two top men in the organisation. The more junior of the men had received a DVD in which the working practices of the people that made the clothing were revealed . There were sweat shop conditions with children as young as 6 sewing on buttons. The Chief Executive saw the DVD and instantly sacked his manager.

If the company dinner went well, Charlie was promised further business, but was placed in an ethical dilemma as Anna told him the truth about the company. The pair set about retrieving the DVD as evidence and contacted the sacked employee with a plan. At the company dinner, he posed as waiter and dropped a plate of food into the Chief Executive’s lap. Later, there was a presentation on the profits of the company, but the dvds were swapped and the executives saw the conditions of De Rigeur’s workers.

A blonde woman (Emily) posing as a journalist asked many members of the staff about any dodgy practices that they had adopted, such as placing the wrong labels on wine bottles and stealing hotel supplies. The staff managed to find her out but she revealed that she was a PR manager sent from Head Office. Her deceptive ways were not well received.

Meanwhile, Tony initially disappointed at his colleagues’ present for his 40th birthday (a ledger) and lack of love from his family, became attracted to a hotel guest. She was serving as a jury member and had been offered £500,000 to plead “not guilty”. Although they had only just met, she suggested that they move to Brazil and Cuba with the money. The next morning Tony received a loving present from his wife and a Digital radio from the maids and these events helped to change his mind about eloping abroad.

Hotel Babylon aims to give an insight into what happens in a 5 star hotel in London, but makes you wonder what really goes on.

← Previous Page — Next Page →