Attack of the Killer Spin Off: 90210 to Return

90210.jpgBy McGee Noble

Just this morning I read that Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas plans on, wait for it… doing a 90210 spin off. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. This most beautiful piece of high school drama, this grandmammy of trash television, back to our screens once again. I delight in the possibilities:

1. The return of the sideburn. For years I’ve been trying to encourage the sideburn return. Those bushy spectaculars that made Jason Priestley and Luke Perry so attractive and masculine.

2. The return of the mega beeaatch. I was highly disappointed in Gossip Girl’s so called resident be-atch, Blair Waldorf. I mean seriously, her idea of being super bad is locking someone in her mum’s shop for an evening. Where’s the evil in that? Hollyoaks has more potent villainesses.

3. Super betrayals. Again, the ‘oh no you didn’t’ factor has dropped off severely in recent years. Remember the Brenda/Kelly/Dylan love triangle? How could Kelly do it? How could she?

4. Please, please find someone that we love to hate the way we loved to hate Shannon Doherty. The woman is a legend in soap television. Don’t give us blandly likeable actresses, give us Divas who make the rest of the cast quiver in hatred, who go out in a blaze of glorious betrayals and catfights- not in the show but in real life.

5. A new cast of thirty, oops I mean seventeen year olds. For some reason these teen actors can never quite pull off the brooding masculinity of the grown man masquerading as teenager. One Tree Hill? Fuggedaboudit… Dylan would beat them to the ground with one hand still combing his quiff.

It seems our love for reminiscing is bringing other favourites back to our screens. This week a TV movie, precursor to a new TV show, of the Hasselhoff classic Knight Rider aired in the US. Here are some choice reviews that I have seen so far:

“NBC proves they’ve learned nothing from the “Bionic Woman” debacle with this two-hour Ford commercial that was as short on excitement as it was on capturing the feel of the original and the imagination of the audience.”

“Uninspired Rubbish!!!!!!!”

“They did everything imaginable wrong.”

Ahhh, the sweet smell of failure. NBC really seem to enjoy it. A better remake would be a modern day look at the reality behind the fantasy as K.i.t.t. tries to deal with Michael’s drinking problem. It could go something like this:

Int. Garage. Night
K.i.t.t. is scuffed up and dusty. Michael, now middle aged, lies half naked across the bonnet, eating a burger.

K.I.T.T: see what happens when you drink Michael?

MICHAEL: gruuunnngghhh ( he continues to shove dripping burger into his mouth)

K.I.T.T: don’t drink anymore Michael… They said if you go in drunk again you’d get fired.

MICHAEL: BLEEP you K.i.t.t! (slurred)

K.I.T.T: Don’t I matter to you anymore Michael? Don’t you care about me?

MICHAEL: (mouth full of burger) GuUERAAAGRRERNNNGGGG!!!

K.i.t.t’s red light flashes sadly.

END

How’s THAT for a modern take on an old classic.

WWE : Raw

The Big ShowAs we approach the school holidays many parents will be looking at ways to keep the kids entertained and keep them from under their feet. For those who are not aware of it yet, WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) is the hottest thing to come out of the US for some time, it is sports entertainment at its best and the kids love it!

While those of us who are old enough will remember the days of Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks, the first mainstream wrestlers in the UK, the WWE show puts them all to shame. These wrestlers know how to play the crowd, they are super fit and they have a hero status around the world. WWE : Raw brings together the likes of Vincent McMahon (the owner of the WWE brand name) as well as professional sports people including the Big Show, Jeff Hardy, King Booker, the Undertaker and Batista to name but a few of the dozens and dozens of fighters on the WWE books.

Each fighter has their own signature moves, the ones which they use to finish off the opponents, with more and more new faces joining on a regular basis. The WWE brand has been around since the 1950s, but it was only in the 1990s that it began to really grow, selling the brand to a mass of countries around the world. Sky TV took up the mantle in the UK and the event was born over here, with tours, exhibition shows and merchandise literally flying off the shelves.

But these are no ordinary wrestling superstars with some of them over 7ft tall! The mix between the smallest and the tallest has brought in an array of fans, not to mention the music signature tunes, the crowd interaction and the excellent shows which they put on. If you are struggling to keep the kids entertained in the holidays, check out WWE : Raw – you will not regret it!

Sport Relief 2008

David Walliams and James Cracknell in Sport ReliefSport Relief takes place every other year with the aim to raise money for charities both abroad and in the UK.  It is similar in nature to Comic Relief but uses sports personalities and other celebrities to raise awareness, Tonight was the key evening to have various events interspersed with films showing how the money would be spent. A number of sporting events had already taken place and the Sport Relief mile was scheduled for 16 March.

The programme was presented by the threesome of Gary Linekar, Richard Hammond and Davina McCall and then later, Patrick Kielty and Tess Daley. The various features included special editions of Strictly Come Dancing, A Question of Sport and the conclusion of Sport Relief does The Apprentice. However, one of the funniest moments of the programme was Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May doing Top Ground Gear Force. They were charged with revamping Sir Steve Redgrave’s garden in Buckinghamshire and a range of calamities occurred – including James May rebuilding a garden shed multiple times (it had panels knocked down and finally set on fire);  a digger being stuck in a hole; large tyre tracks ripping up the lawn;  a concrete area replacing part of the lawn (which Hammond got stuck in); a high powered barbeque using jet engines and a high pressure water fountain!

Sport Relief 2008 also featured various sporting feats such as David Walliams and James Cracknell swimming across the Straits of Gibraltar (Cracknell had made his way from the UK to Africa entirely using his own body  - cycling, swimming, rowing). Adrian Chiles and Alan Shearer had cycled from Newcastle to London in just two days! Sport Relief 2008 raised £19.6 million on the night with much more money to come!

The Cheltenham Festival

Cheltenham FestivalThe horse racing festival which is Cheltenham continues at pace with a whole host of races planned for today, especially after yesterdays call offs due to the unseasonal weather. Alastair Down, John Francome, Lesley Graham, Simon Holt, John McCririck, Jim McGrath, Alice Plunkett, Tanya Stevenson, Derek Thompson and Ted Walsh bring action live to the racing public in their own inimitable style!

While this year’s event may have been hampered by the weather it has not stopped race goers turning up in their thousands to see the cream of the horse racing world. There are many people who are for and against horse racing, but when you get up close to these perfect animals, it is difficult to see how you could force them to race if they did not want to. Many of the horses which will be on show at the Festival have been trained all year for this one event and they are in perfect condition, no fat on their bodies and treat like Royalty in their preparation.

Today’s racing sees the Jewson Novices Handicap, the Ryanair Chase, the Ladbrokes World Hurdle and the Racing Post Plate. Even though all eyes will be on the Gold Cup later in the week, there are some great races in store for those attending today. So whether you fancy a flutter on your favourite, like the name or have received a hot tip there will be news, views and reviews of everything you could wish for to help you make your mind up.

While Royal Ascot may be at the head of the Horse Racing table, Cheltenham is sure up there with the best of them, attracting attention from all over the world. The bookies will be hoping for a better run than last year which saw them trounced with a number of high profile winners on show. Let battle commence!

Sport Relief Does the Apprentice

Sport Relief Does the ApprenticeSport Relief Does the Apprentice, follows a similar format to the biennial Comic Relief in that it raises money for charity through the use of celebrities. The theme though is sport of all types – including The Sport Relief Mile and the proceeds of the various events are spent abroad and in the UK. This was a special edition of The Apprentice with Alan Sugar and featured two teams of 5 celebrities as follows:

The expectation was that thousands of pounds would be raised for charity. The teams had to set up shops – dress them, stock items and open the shops and report back in three days. Money could be raised by getting as many people as possible and then selling off the stock on one night.

The girls team started out well and decided on the name of “Sugar and Spicy”. Louise Rednapp had a lot of  contacts and managed to blag £10,000 from Harrods. Jacqueline Gold was elected as leader.

The boys did not have a natural leader – initially Hardeep and then Lembit. They did manage to get John Lewis to donate an item from every floor. The boys decided to go with a “Buy One Get One Free theme”.

For the charity auction, each team were given 150 tickets to sell and Louise Rednapp managed to get £30,000 for just one ticket! Her celebrity contacts came in handy.

Not surprisingly the boys lost the challenge, but we were asked to wait until Friday evening to find out who would be fired from Sport Relief Does the Apprentice!

Neighbours Teaser

NeighboursThere’s trouble on the home front this week as Janelle decides to stay in Cairns and the Parker family find themselves facing eviction. Ned and Janae talk about finding a place together - it could be just what they need to patch up their battered relationship. Meanwhile, Steve and Miranda ask Ned if he’d like to make a joint bid on the Timmins house. Ned assumes that Janae is included in the deal, but when Steve and Miranda make it clear that she’s not Ned is left with a dilemma.

Elsewhere, Libby realises that she needs to let go of her strong hold on Drew’s memory if she and Darren are to have a future. Although Libby still refuses to forgive Darren’s infidelity, there appear to be signs of a thaw between them. Darren takes her to dinner, showers her with gifts and promises to do whatever it takes to win a second chance.

Meanwhile, while the adults of Ramsay Street are dealing with their various problems, the neighbourhood’s teens are set to attend an illegal dance party. But their adventure almost comes unstuck when Bridget blabs their plan to Steve and Miranda. Zeke manages to salvage the situation but as the teens head out, they are being trailed by a carload of suspicious adults!

Hollyoaks Teaser

HollyoaksA shame-faced Dom is being teased mercilessly by Jacqui after his lie to Tina about being attacked is revealed. With his masculinity in question, Dom runs off - despite Tina leaping to his defence over his admirable behaviour during the surrogacy. And there’s further bad news later in the week for Dom, Tony and Jacqui later in the week when Tina decides to come clean about the real father of the baby - Russ.

Sasha steals a purse from a mother and baby in Il Gnosh so she can buy more heroin for her and Fletch. As Michaela goes to confront Fletch, thinking that he injected her at Niall’s party, Leo catches her with the heroin in her hand.

Elsewhere, Beth is touched when a suited Gilly presents her with a romantic breakfast, but when he rushes off to an interview she turns her attentions to an amorous Rhys. As they kiss passionately in the hall, they are unaware that Josh and Michaela are about to come in the back door. Lauren is delighted that Elliot has completely fallen for the UFO sighting prank, but Newt is suffering from a guilty conscience. However, when Elliot shows up to help them with their project, he is in the firing line for their twisted revenge. 

EastEnders Teaser

EastEndersAfter last week’s high drama on Albert Square, Tanya and Sean are free to be together at last. Aren’t they? Sean may be eager to start his new life with Tanya, but she is sickened by the thought of what she has done. Her fragile state of mind isn’t helped by the fact that her children are constantly asking questions about their dad. Distressed and struggling to come to terms with what she’s done, it seems that Tanya is already regretting her actions.

Meanwhile, it’s Roxy’s birthday but she’s in no mood to celebrate. She’s just reached the big three-oh and the last thing she wants to do is party - which is unfortunate as sister Ronnie has big plans to mark the big day. And that’s not the only thing Ronnie has to worry about. Jack continues trying to charm Ronnie out of their new ‘strictly professional’ relationship, even though Ronnie is desperate to resist. How long can she hold out?

Elsewhere, Ian decides to take matters into his own hands in the search for missing daughter Lucy, Chelsea arrives at Booty ready for work to find that the window has been smashed, and Pat is back on Albert Square.

Coronation Street Teaser

Coronation StreetA fed-up Leanne wants out of the restaurant business and selling isn’t an option any more. Fortunately Dan has an idea of how she could get rid of the pizzeria and get her money back - she could burn the place down. Dan may have had his tongue firmly in his cheek with the suggestion, but Leanne is fascinated and is soon plotting an ‘accidental’ fire and insurance claim. Not that she’s going to risk being caught herself of course. She’s going to seduce Paul into torching the place for her.

David is worried that mum Gail is going to regain her memory, as well he might given that he pushed her down the stairs and left her for dead. As he and Tina arrive at the hospital, however, Gail seems none the wiser. David’s relief is short-lived though, when Gail’s doctor tells him there is a good chance she will regain the memory of what happened to her. David immediately volunteers to look after her at home when she is discharged, leaving a suspicious Audrey to wonder exactly what is going on.

Elsewhere, Fiz goes to meet Chesney’s social worker in a bid to get him home and everyone’s delighted when she agrees to let Fiz act as Chesney’s guardian. And Becky becomes Roy’s new lodger, but sharing the same house proves harder than either of them thought.

Emmerdale Teaser

EmmerdaleJo is left nursing a bruised face after an angry Andy discovers she has gone behind his back to allow Debbie to see Sarah. As Jo tries to explain herself, Andy lashes out and knocks her to the ground. Later Jo lies to Val about how she got the bruise, and a guilt-stricken Andy offers to arrange a party to make up for their lack of wedding celebrations. But is Jo ready to forgive and forget her new husband’s violent behaviour?

Perdy lands up in a prison cell after taking her vendetta against Katie and Gray too far. The duo is in the Woolpack celebrating after a baby scan reveals they are having a boy. But another outburst from the spurned Perdy sours the moment as she sees the scan photo in Katie’s hand and screams at her that she’s being used. Things go from bad to worse as the police are called, and a hysterical Perdy is carted off for a night in the cells. Soon she is contemplating leaving the village for good.

Shadrach tells Laurel that he has a long-lost daughter who he gave away as a baby. Laurel and Ashley decide they’re going to help him search for his now-grown daughter. But will they find her and will Shadrach be able to go through with it and see her if they do?

Elsewhere, Viv and Bob have an appointment at the police station over Freddie, Daz and Scarlet are getting set for their first date, and David pays Donald a visit wanting to know where he stands with the business.

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