Everything you ever knew about Scarlett Johansson is wrong. Fact.

January 20, 2009 by  
Filed under News

“I would like to inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian”. If that’s not breaking news, I don’t know what is. Now, it’s not like this gramatically-challenged e-mail came from the Associated Press or even one of the many lovely, sincere and terrifyingly friendly PR people we work with here at OntheBox, but who needs reliability and proof? Only a bad journalist would sit on a story like this until it was verified.

What info do we have on the original Scarlett? Apparently she is a “nice, CHRISTIAN young lady” who is getting a bit miffed at the rise of the clone Scarlett. Probably more revelatory is the ‘fact’ that Helmut Kohl, ex-Chancellor of Germany, is in charge of this cloning and holds strict control over all the clones (yes, ALL the clones, there’s more than one) so “they’re NAZI type disciplined and mind-controlled”. Worse still, if you “get close with clones you will be controlled too”, which means a thousand adolescent Scarlett Johansson related dreams are basically Fascist propoganda.

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