Growing up as we did, the television a full time nanny and its myriad characters our surrogate parents, it’s little wonder we’ve developed some rather strange fixations along the way. With children’s TV getting even crazier it’s maybe best not to wonder what the next generation of teen crushes will look like – SpongeBob SquarePants fantasies anyone?
In honour of the release of J. J. Abrams’ fantastic new Star Trek movie and our odd fascination with Spock’s strangely seductive eyebrows, we at OTB have decided we need a little confession session – with some pretty disturbing results. It seems that daddy and mummy spent far too much time on expensive foreign holidays and not enough time developing well rounded individuals…
Here’s a roundup of the most embarrassing, and downright weird, alien crushes… ever!
7 OF 9 – STAR TREK: VOYAGER
Going through metal detectors at the airport might be a bit of a pain but once you hit the beach and the bikini comes out it’ll all seem worth it.
MORK FROM ORK – MORK AND MINDY
Certainly top of the list if hairy, funny, spandex-wearing men who hatch out of eggs are your thing.
Bucky? Really? Well I guess he makes up for the fact that he’s a goofy green rabbit by jumping around a lot and shooting stuff. OK, he’s pretty cool, too.
KRISTIANNA LOKEN – TERMINATOR 3: THE RISE OF THE MACHINES
Finally, someone willing to admit the truth that beneath the sweetly-scented, petal-soft skin, all women are really just evil robots trying to kill us.
THREE BOOB MARY – TOTAL RECALL
Enjoy it while it lasts because when those puppies start to head south it’s not going to seem nearly as sexy.
SPOCK – STAR TREK
Just knowing the Vulcan Death Grip could make an appearance at any time makes it all seem so naughty and exciting.
LEELA – FUTURAMA
Being sexually attracted to a cartoon character makes me scared and confused. Why do you make me feel like this, Leela? WHY!?
LEELOO – THE FIFTH ELEMENT
Having read the ENTIRE internet we scarcely dare imagine what kind of tricks she has up her sleeve.
CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON – DOCTOR WHO
This broody Northern doctor drew a line under the namby-pamby woolly scarf wearing doctors of yesteryear.
COUSIN IT – THE ADDAMS FAMILY
With such silky smooth locks we’re guessing Cousin It uses his own special brand of high protein tonic that drives women crazy. Or maybe Pantene.