Death By Random: 10 Weirdest Movie Deaths

May 21, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

Before the days of movies, toasters and dentists, Shakespearean drama was the order of the day.

Although death featured heavily in 16th century plays, the only way for an actor to make a death scene memorable was to roll around a lot moaning and lamenting his untimely demise. Well, until the advent of cinema.

Since then we’ve had it all from death by bees to human combustion. In celebration of our morbidly funny tendencies we’ve complied a list of what we believe are the most random on-screen deaths….

Steeple Head – Hot Fuzz

It’s just one of those days where everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

The milk in your coffee is off, you’ve locked yourself out of the house, and then just as you’re about to impart some important information to the fuzz, a giant bloody steeple topples from a great height and pushes your head right down into your body. What are the odds? Actually, if you happen to be a resident of Sandford they’re pretty high.

Tim Messenger’s is an impressively gory death in a film that can boast death by shears and enormous fireball in its body count.

Striiiiiiike – There Will Be Blood

It beggars belief that some people still don’t understand YOU SHOULDN’T MESS WITH DANIEL DAY-LEWIS!

Bill the Butcher is arguably the most terrifying screen villain since Captain Howdy and I’m not alone in thinking that more than a little of the actor went into the role. There Will Be Blood’s Daniel Plainview seems to be just as irate as Bill and perhaps even in less control of his temper.

Poor old Eli Sunday pushed it one sermon too far and ended up having his head used as a bowling ball in a lethal back to front game of skittles.

One and a Half Men – Jaws

He may have been a grizzled old seadog who survived the ill-fated sinking of the USS Indianapolis and the subsequent feeding frenzy, but even Old Quint couldn’t resist the call of the wild.

When the gigantic shark – who it’s fair to say has taken the whole hunting expedition remarkably personally for a fish – comes a-knocking, Quint can’t help but become live bait. Notice how Jaws even roughs him up a little before eating him alive. So touchy!

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? – Alien

We’ve all had that uncomfortable, bloated feeling after eating something we know we shouldn’t.

Perhaps it’s one too many pickled eggs or the dodgy post-club burger that’s making your guts lurch like a ship on a stormy ocean, but there’s definitely part of me that can sympathise with Kane’s tummy trouble in Alien. I’m a little less well versed, however, in having an alien push itself through my chest cavity and run off screaming.

I’m not sure any amount of Gaviscon will settle that one.

Pencil Eraserhead – The Dark Knight

All those cautions about running with sharp objects and the age old ‘you’ll have your eye out with that’ seem a bit redundant when the sharp object in question is being wielded by a homicidal maniac dressed as a harlequin.

Rather than dicking about at the top of a podium for a few days here’s one magic trick I’d like to see David Blaine attempt on himself. Ta-dah, it’s… gone!

Pop Goes My Heart – Kill Bill

It’s a well known fact that Tarantino does good death.

There’s a remarkable amount to choose from in his extensive back catalogue, but most of them involve a boring old gun and a large helping of great vengeance and furious anger. It’s nice to see him branching out then, with this inspired piece of deadly yoga; the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique.

Interestingly, Glaswegian’s have their own much slower version of this called ‘eating from the chip shop every night.’

Battery Acid You Slime! – IT

Wheezy Billy’s day of being afraid are finally over when he plucks up the courage to take a shot at Pennywise with his inhaler.

Pennywise actor Tim Curry is responsible for a million childhood nightmares with his ever so creepy portrayal of the clown whose taglines ‘I’m everything you were ever afraid of’, and ‘everything floats down here’ are etched into the minds of a whole generation. Although this isn’t technically death by inhaler his face does practically fall off and it doesn’t look fun.

Enjoy reliving your nightmares…

Catching a Plane – Donnie Darko

I’ve stopped beating myself up for not understanding it and gone back to enjoying Richard Kelly’s dark, stylish debut.

Troubled teen Donnie tries his best to make sense of a cruel and uncaring world until he meets the gorgeous Gretchen Ross and decides that sex is way more fun. Cue happy ending? Not quite.

Depending on whether you make head or tail of the film, Donnie is crushed to death by a jet turbine, which unaccountably falls from the sky. Or not.

Fatty Fatty Fat Fat – Seven

Certainly brings a new meaning to the saying ‘I could die for some ice cream’.

Prompted by an uncontrollable rage against everything bad that our corrupt modern world stands for, slightly misguided John Doe (Kevin Spacey) decides to redress the balance by exacting a biblical themed revenge on ordinary members of the public. Although none are by any means conventional, this is undoubtedly the first time anyone has ever been nourished to death on screen.

A similar thing actually happened in a Pringle factory when a misguided worker accidentally popped and then was unable to stop.

Carrot Topped – Shoot Em Up

Now, I’m no doctor and I’m certainly not one to question the authority of cinema, but I was left rather perplexed as to how a root vegetable could be pushed through the back of someone’s head.

Even if he hit it really hard, you’d think it would have just broken the carrot. Ah well, what a way to go! Nice quip at the end too, just to show he doesn’t feel the slightest twinge of remorse for ending a man’s life in such a wantonly bizarre way and thereby subjecting his poor family to shame for generations to come.

“What did Granddad die of, Granny?” “Well dear, somebody pushed a vegetable through his brain.”

Jack McKay

Find yourself giggling when you really shouldn’t? Don’t feel bad – just laugh some more, and check out our list of the Top 6 Unintentionally Hilarious On-Screen Deaths or the Top 9 Cartoons You’d Never Want Your Kids Watching.

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