The Final Destination 3D Review: Pointlessness In A Whole New Dimension
The Final Destination series is like a magician’s sleeve.
As ever more films are plucked from it like soiled handkerchiefs, it becomes progressively more predictable until you’d really rather go watch the clowns – even that would be less painful.
This newest installment dropped from producer and “driving force” Craig Perry’s braingina aims to suckle at the teat of mindless horror but seems to have been wrenched away too young, resulting in a runt-like manchild of a film that leaves the viewer uncertain of whether it is intended as parody or serious thriller.
The storyline is a semi-developed mess, in which the main character’s pivotal ability to vaguely predict the gruesome deaths of his friends and associates is never explained and the relationships between the main characters are, at best, superficial whilst others stall before they’ve even begun the uphill struggle to credibility.
To be fair, when your main players are of the dubious calibre of Bobby Campo and Shantel VanSanten, both of whom have little pedigree and still less charisma, any kind of quality is bound to be a stretch. However, even on the lips of the most accomplished actors the script would still be laughably wooden. The occasional stabs at humour are particularly cringeworthy. The best that can be said for the screenwriter is that he managed to work in plenty of naked, unbloodied flesh, giving the otherwise unstimulated eye some welcome candy.
That said, I doubt The Final Destination’s target audience are looking for profound relationships and nuggets of wisdom. No, the order of the day is blood, gore and inventive deaths, all of which are pretty much ever present. Particular highlights include the still pulsating liver which is blasted through a swimming pool’s drainage system and the corpse quartered by a chainlink fence, if that’s the kind of thing that floats your boat.
The Final Destination isn’t scary, though, even in a jumpy kind of way. Sitting in the preview theatre, each death was met by chuckles and groans as they became ever more unusual and gory. In fact, whatever The Final Destination is trying to be, it falls well short of every mark, resulting in an abomination which actually makes the world a little bit worse.