Joss Whedon Makes Hilarious Bid For Terminator Rights

November 4, 2009 by  
Filed under - Home, News

Despite losing its way hopelessly in recent years, when rights for The Terminator franchise went up for sale recently, there was a fair bit of media attention.

Unfortunately for those studio bosses desperately trying to cash-in on an aging cash-cow, the undeserved publicity generated over the sale could very soon be over-shadowed by one director’s spoof offer.

Joss Whedon (the man responsible for Buffy and Dollhouse among other things) has written a spectacularly amusing open letter to the owners of the franchise offering them £10,000 for the film rights.

And it had us in stitches…

“I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up,” he writes. “This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a cheque TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.”

Some of his proposals for upcoming features included:

“Terminator… of the Rings! … he’s a cyborg and he doesn’t give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he’s doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it.”

“Can you say… musical? Well don’t. Even I know that’s an awful idea.”

“More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there’s a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar — and dollar signs!”

And for Batman fans…

“Christian Bale’s John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)”

As Whedon notes in his concluding paragraph, “I really believe the Terminator franchise has only begun to plumb the depths of questioning the human condition during awesome stunts, and I’d like to shepherd it through the next phase. The money is there, but more importantly, the heart is there. But more importantly, money.”

Think they’ll accept his offer? Fingers crossed…

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