The 5 Hardest Harrys In Film History
Fine actor though he is, we all know where Michael Caine’s real strengths as an actor lie: Playing in goal for all-star Hollywood football teams, chatting cockney and dishing out justice to unsuspecting thugs.
So it’s great to see him back to his best in Harry Brown. But after watching the vigilante caper we realised that he’s not the first person of that name to be harder than a bucket of nails.
This is OTB’s utterly definitive list of the toughest Harrys in film history…
In last place on our list is possibly the campest mythical creature since Pete’s dragon – Nikolai Valuev lookalike Harry Henderson.
He only makes it into the top 5 ahead of Richard E Grant’s character from When Harry Met Sally because he managed to survive a head-on collision with a station wagon…
He may not have been that hard – but he smelled strong.
This dark-wizard botherer achieved everything by the age of 18 (or at least he will do next year), so it’s easy to see why he makes it into our prestigious final group.
In any normal society he would have been slapped with a series of ASBOs for dealing in illicit substances, picking the pockets of sorcerers and vandalising college property, all on the orders of a Fagin-like OAP.
But any adolescent that goes a few rounds with that ugly bloke who must not be named has got to be given some serious respect – no matter how much he whinges about his parents.
According to movie tradition there are several ways in which a mean ganglord can prove that his nuts wouldn’t look out of place on the average palm tree.
But Guy Ritchie tore up the rule book when he created crime-boss Harry ‘the hatchet’ Lonsdale. Even Mr Callahan himself (the daddy of all Harrys), never beat someone to death with a plastic penis.
Smithy Robinson’s death certificate would have made the funniest viral since that lad in Canada decided to video himself with an imaginary lightsabre.
What was going down in Hollywood circa 1998?
We can only assume that in a film industry where CGI was a burgeoning art-form, the only thing those pioneering special effects geeks had actually mastered was an asteroid – and they played it to death like a six year-old singing a new Disney tune.
Needless to say, the actual films were terrible, in this one clip alone there are several fine examples of the cheesy American movie soundbyte – “Let’s see who’s gonna stay up here and dance.” (What?)
But not even a terrible script could stop Bruce Willis being a raging hero.
At the annual Harry awards, Mr Callahan has won the ‘hardest b*****d’ prize for a record 38 years running, and his mantelpiece seems set to get a little more crowded still after he beat off some tough competition to claim the OTB title.
Who the hell would feel lucky with Clint Eastwood pointing a gun at them?!