Legion Review: Hell On Earth
Angels are complicated characters to have in a movie, or at least they should be. They’re servants of God, are super powerful and ought to have amassed a millenia’s worth of knowledge while hanging about in heaven.
So an action movie in which two of God’s servants end up battling to the death should be pretty cool, right?
Well anyone who has seen the trailer for Legion might be under that impression, however once you’ve seen the movie you’ll realise how badly you were fooled.
Unsurprisingly, the Lord is really angry at us for not playing nicely with each other and rather than giving us a time-out, he’s decided to kill every last one of us. Whatever happened to the rapture? Anyway, holed up in the Mojave desert, a pregnant waitress named Charlie and the owners and patrons of a diner are set upon by the forces of God.
Miraculously, despite having the big man upstairs on their case, they manage to stay alive for a remarkable amount of time. Who knew the Lord could be so freaking violent yet totally ineffective?
Admittedly they do get a helping hand when a rebellious, monotone-voiced Paul Bettany shows up as the angel Michael (he’s here to save Charlie’s unborn baby). Apparently, for some unexplained reason, the baby is the only hope mankind has to survive. Right. The plot raises a million questions, not one of which gets answered. With no explanation of anything, I couldn’t have cared less about any of the characters or what happened to the magical baby.
The performances are so-so and so one really stands out. Dennis Quaid takes on the role of grouchy diner owner Bob while Lucas Black trudges through his performance as Bob’s oddly named son Jeep, Charlie’s wannabe love interest. Grey’s Anatomy star Kate Walsh plays fancypants mother of The OC’s Willa Holland and Charles S. Dutton plays Percy. For some pointless reason Percy has a hook for a hand – it was just another thing that never got explained.
For the most part, the special effects were lacklustre, although Gabriel did have a half-decent set of wings. One of the highlights of the film was supposed to be Michael and Gabriel fighting it out but it was a surprisingly short and uninspiring scene.
So with poor acting, and effects you could conjour up on photoshop, what is there to like in this film? Well you’ll get several chuckles in places the writer never intended (I’ve never heard so much laughter in a screening that wasn’t for a comedy). Ultimately the film still retains a cool factor because, at the end of the day, it’s got angels, guns and the wrath of God. No matter how poorly those things are presented, they’re still interesting.
It’s totally rushed, dumb, predictable yet it’s fun for just those reasons. If you are planning on seeing this one then turn off your brain and leave your expectations at the door because Legion is trashtastic.