The 10 Greatest Movie Beards..

November 6, 2010 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

With Zach Galifianakis arriving in our cinemas again this weekend alongside everyone’s favourite ex-drug addict in Due Date, we thought we’d celebrate by compiling a list of the finest beards in movie history…


10.Gandalf – Lord of the Rings

Gandalf spent 2,000 years learning to love Middle Earth and its people – particularly hobbits – but he fell out with the only barber in the land and hasn’t been able to get a clean shave for over two millennia. He would probably be better of opening his own salon, maybe with a training academy.


9. Ming the Merciless – Flash Gordon

The supreme Emperor of the planet Mongo – imagine Lenin with a goatee – until clean shaven Flash Gordon shows him he is the balm (get it). Ming amuses himself by destroying other planets in the solar system. He amuses the rest of us with his Lady GaGa outfits and overtly camp facial hair.


8. Chuck Nolan – Castaway

A great method actor and also made out of 100% recyclable synthetic material, in Castaway Tom Hanks is upstaged by a ball called Wilson. Trapped on a desert island, Tom grows a beard to distinguish himself from Wilson. Unfortunately this back fires and allows Wilson to shine. Unlucky not have won an Oscar for best supporting role.


7. Brain Blessed

The man with a bellow capable of waking the dead is more of a beard to hire to be honest. He has starred in pretty much every film where a beard makes an appearance. Lately his beard has semi-retired but he still bellows on everything from Xtra factor to the World Cup.


6. Serpico

Al Pacino is so hairy he looks like he’s trying to escape from a yeti’s throat, which would probably make quite a good short film. He is also so cool he is the only person who can pull of a Craig David sculpted beard – including Craig David.


5. Doctor Richard Kimble – The Fugitive

Harrison grows a beard to pay homage to his great friend Chewebacca whilst tombstoning in Yellowstone National Park. Tommy Lee Jones is committed to track him down now that this reckless past time has just been banned by a local council by-law. Ford wishes he had taken up wake boarding.


4. Bob Barnes – Syriana

George Clooney stars in his first serious role and naturally grows a beard to create a sense of gravitas. Political intrigue, oil barrens and secret deals pepper the film, but the most important issue raised, how old does Clooney have to be before he stops becoming attractive?


3. BA Baracus – The A Team

The original B.A. Baracus had a fairly unkempt chin area. In the spruced up film version the new BA Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has a more stylised jaw-line. Some would say he is not being true to the original character, but in a real life he is a UFC champion, so you can tell him.


2. The Man – The Road

Proof that when there is a nuclear catastrophe hippies and vagabonds will rule the earth, why don’t graphic designers and milkmen ever survive? Anyway Viggo Mortenson drags his beard around moaning and whining like it’s the end of the world.


1. Homer – The Simpsons

Homer is so hairy his facial hair grows back seconds after shaving. That beard defines him as a person and for that we salute him.


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  1. Jamie says:

    You left out Eduardo Verástegui in Bella. Shaggy, sexy, manly beards do not get any better than that. Rawwrrr!