Schindler’s List II? Potential Mel Gibson Relaunch Projects..
With Mel Gibson dropped from the sequel to The Hangover following objections from the cast and “art imitating life” project The Beaver gnawing its way towards the horizon, it would appear now more than ever, that everyone’s least favourite racist from Down Under needs some urgent professional rehabilitation. To help Mel, the OTB team have assembled a list of potential remakes of classic Hollywood polemics on racial and gender equality that could, if executed well, put Mel back on the A-List rather than the X(enophobe)-List.
The perfect role for a man whom the general public perceive as having molten lava at his core, Mel would do well to slip into the rigid metal shoes of the Tin Man and finally get a heart. After all, can you imagine the following exchange* between Dorothy and Tin Man?
Dorothy: I don’t, I don’t, I don’t walk around in tight clothes, I stay in [Kansas] most of the time.
Tin Man: Yes you fucking do, you go out in public and it’s a fucking embarrassment to me. You look like a fucking bitch in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers it’ll be your fault. All right? Because you provoked it. You are provocatively dressed all the time, with your fake boobs, you feel you have to show off in tight outfits and tight pants (garbled) you can see your pussy from behind.
*an excerpt from Mel Gibson’s secretly recorded rift with ex-lover Oksana Grigorieva.
See what we’ve done here? Rather than play Thelma’s overbearing and abusive husband, Mel could drop into some drag and ride into that canyon with all the feminist fervour he can muster. Whack some ‘fake tits’ on him and his run in with Oksana may begin to fade just that little bit.
Apart from abusing women for having breast implants, Mel has an unfortunate reputation for attacking the Jews, even accusing a police officer of a Jewish conspiracy because he was caught speeding. Okay then… So, by taking the lead role in every Jews’ favourite ode to oppression Mel could reposition himself as a victim rather than an oppressor, potentially putting all those accusations of anti-Semitism behind him.
An appropriately ambiguous role for Mel to portray as it would give him the opportunity to rule over a factory of submissive Jews whilst simultaneously looking like a bit of a hero for saving a handful from the fate of the camps. It might be best to shoot it in colour this time and in 3D just in case anyone mistakes it for a documentary which could potentially be quite damaging for the Gibson brand.
The best opportunity for Mel to show the public his newly acquired enlightenment and progressive values, the role of Atticus Finch would suit the actor down to the racist letter T. Just imagine Mel uttering this famous speech with a tear in his eye: “If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” Heck, the public might not buy it but it’s his best chance. Unless he ruins filming by attacking black actors and sexually harassing female runners – as is his want.