10 More Terrible Movie Taglines

May 16, 2011 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

Potter taglines were getting a little dark

Potter taglines were getting a little dark

Fortunately in these days of viral video, TV trailers and iTunes, the tagline of a movie is a bit of a novelty – which is just as well, given that the art of the tagline seems to be something that is long lost. Nevertheless, OTB have once again been searching the annals of movie history to find a few taglines that are, frankly, awful. At least most of these are from quite poor films; ones that most people wouldn’t have been tempted to see even if Shakespeare himself had written a verse on the poster. Or maybe that wouldn’t have helped. Taglines written as metaphors wouldn’t make the situation clearer…

1. ‘Titans Will Clash’ – Clash Of The Titans [2010]

Clash of the titans

So not only have you remade a film, made it terrible and actually released it, you came up with this tagline too? Next time, don’t spend all your money on effects.

2. ‘The Only Thing More Terrifying Than The Last 12 Minutes Of This Film Are The First 92′ – Suspiria [1977]

Suspiria

If you don’t want people to bother seeing your film, why not advertise the ending as an anticlimax?

3. ‘Everything That Has A Beginning Has An End’ – The Matrix Revolutions [2003]

Matrix Revolutions

Indeed. Also water is wet, fire is hot and this film is awful. All facts.

4. Twelve Is The New Eleven – Ocean’s Twelve [2004]

Ocean's Twelve

This leaves us with some pretty serious numerical holes to fill between 10 and 13 now, doesn’t it?

5. ‘He Was A Covert Agent Trained In Vietnam. He Has A Master 6th Degree Black Belt In Akido…And Family In The Mafia. He’s A Cop With Attitude.’ – Above The Law [1988]

Above The Law

He also shoots bullets with his eyes, can travel through time and is now, bizarrely, working as a deputy sheriff. None of it, however, saves this film. Or makes this poster any clearer.

6. ‘Great Things Come In Bears’ – Yogi Bear 3-D [2010]

Yogi

This should never have happened. Sexual innuendo and children’s cartoons have no place together.

7. ‘When A Girl Has A Heart Of Stone, There’s Only One Way To Melt It. Just Add Ice. – Cool As Ice [1991]

Cool As Ice

It just makes no sense. Rather like casting Vanilla Ice in a film. Having said that, at least they’ve been consistent.

8. Hombre Means Man…Paul Newman Is Hombre! – Hombre [1967]

Hombre

And fortunately Paul Newman was a big enough star to pull in audiences even though the movie’s selling point was his gender.

9. ‘A Game Nobody Survives But Schwarzenegger Has Yet To Play’ – The Running Man [1987]

Running Man

Things get very confusing when you use an actor’s name in the tagline. Especially when he’s not playing himself.

10. ‘We’ve sensed it… We’ve seen the signs. Now… it’s happening’ – The Happening [2008]

The Happening

Fuck off, Shyamalan.

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