Harry Potter and the Bus Replacement Service: Five Potential Titles For New Harry Potter

June 17, 2011 by  
Filed under - Home, Features

potter300With a mysteriously tantalising website appearing online hinting at the prospect of MORE Harry Potter adventures, we’ve taken the liberty of second-guessing what JK Rowling might be working as we speak. Suggestions welcome..

Harry Potter and the Expenses Scandal
After his Voldemort-bothering exploits, Potter is seen as the perfect candidate to run as the Ministerial candidate for progressive centre-left party, Wiggle Future (a cunning portmanteau which demonstrates how Muggles and Wizards must work together to forge a brighter future..) However Dolores Umbridge’s minority pressure group from the extreme right notice that Potter has been using tax-payers money to buy Goblin Porn and the Boy Who Lived faces the fight of his career to prove that he’s been set-up.

Harry Potter and the Super-Injunction
After 20 years of marriage, the fact that despite his stardom he’s only ever slept with one woman in his entire life makes Potter start to regret the opportunities he missed while off battling Tom Riddle. After bumping into Cho Chang at the press launch for his autobiography: Boy (Who Lived) Makes Good, Potter rekindles their romance and beds her in the penthouse of the Leaky Cauldron. When Rita Skeeter gets hold of the story, he uses his vast gold reserve to pay for a super-injunction. But will everything be revealed by a rogue blogging site dubbed Wizileaks?

Harry Potter and the Mid-Life Crisis
Bored of the post-Hogwarts tedium which is completely devoid of implausible escapes, magical revelations and all the other characters that actually made his school years interesting, a balding Harry finds himself in a spiritual funk. After buying himself a convertible sports broom, he sets off looking for dark wizards. To his disappointment, there are no homicidal bastards trying to implement mass mugglecide, so he ends up knocking on Draco Malfoy’s front door and running away.

Harry Potter and his Delinquent Teenagers
Sure everything seems fine at in that final chapter of Deathly Hallows, but you just wait until James Jr, Albus Severus and Lily Luna Potter stay out late and come home smelling of Gillyweed bifters. Papa Potter – who by now has taken to smoking a pipe, wearing slippers, guzzling Werther’s Originals and playing with a model train set (Hogwarts Express of course..) – is also furious when his young daughter rebels by getting a Dark Mark tattoo. You can’t really blame the kid. We’d all be a bit annoyed if our parents decided named us after their geeky mates..

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Re-Up
Potter mans up and decides that uniting the Deathly Hallows and being immortal might be quite cool. Spends a couple of days looking for the resurrection stone in the forest. Tells his son that he’s keeping the invisibility cloak. Ditches his camp holly wand. Lives forever and gets loads of chicks..

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