BILL BAILEY’S REMARKABLE GUIDE TO THE ORCHESTRA: On general DVD release across the UK from Monday 23rd November 2009

We’re not sure what Bill Bailey fans had in mind when they sat down in Royal Albert Hall for his “Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra.”

Alongside the BBC Concert Orchestra and Academy Award-winning conductor Anne Dudley, Bailey spends the entire program proffering his melodic wisdom onto us common folk.

The surrealist comedian turns didactic musician over the course of one-and-a-half hours. At least he still manages to make us laugh.

The good news is, this program still retains the essence of Bill Bailey: cocknified classics and pop-inspired parodies backed by piano, guitar, flute, and even that strange electronic theremin take form in a spoof on Chris de Burgh, a song about racial harmony called “Let’s Hear It For The Zebra,” and a rock opera aria about the invasion of creepy-crawlies, “Insect Nation.” All are rather amusing, especially with the BBC Orchestra’s satirically larger-than-life accompaniment.

But let’s not forget, Bailey is a classically trained performer with perfect pitch. It becomes obvious from the start that the “Remarkable Guide” is a rare opportunity for him to spotlight his inner musician. Probably the most inane aspect of the concert are the patronizing tutorials. Throughout, Bailey enlightens us with the history and properties of the flute and the oboe, described in language a 5-year-old would understand. Yawn.

There is no denying Bailey is a talented musician. Whether he is whizzing through concertos on the piano or producing a perfect F-sharp on the theremin (which is extremely hard to do), we can at least appreciate his utter skill. And really, there are plenty of good moments in the “Remarkable Guide”—his interpretation of the “Doctor Who” theme as a Belgian jazz jingle and a slapstick skit involving men in suits and tuned Alpine bells. And we have to applaud Bailey’s musical passion.

But with no real premise, it is hard for us to follow along, especially when we are expecting comical tunes and instead of forced-fed Rossini. The “Guide” is far from “remarkable,” but deserves an honorary mention.


Danielle Jacoby

TWILIGHT NEW MOON: On General Release across the UK from Friday 20th November 2009

Topless males, sexual tension and special effects.

New Moon has arrived.

In the second installment of Stephenie Meyer’s mortal teen-meets-more-than-century-old vampire, Bella Swan turns 18. On top of a fifth-life crisis as a senior in high school, her vamp Edward Cullen has decided to give their relationship the axe. And just in time for an unexpectedly buff Jacob Black of the Quilete Indian tribe to swoop in for support.

What ensues is action-packed adventures (Bella is now an adrenaline junkie), awkward moments of unrequited love (ug), and supernatural revelations (*cough* werewolves *cough*). But we already knew all that. And of course Edward returns, but only in the most melodramatic scenario possible.

In the meantime, we are forced to sit through 130 minutes of a teeth-gritting, deadpan artiste Kristen Stewart as our heroine, Bella. And with Edward gone, it is all about Team Jacob. A gust of wind conveniently tears open his jumper at the film’s start, revealing a whole new man. For the majority of New Moon, Jacob Black, played by Taylor Lautner, bares his sculpted bod and speaks in a whiny drone. “I’m just filling out,” he blankly tells Bella. Meanwhile, Robsessed fans get their fill via flashbacks and smoky apparitions.

Director Chris Weitz helms this production. And thank goodness for that. We’re not sure Catherine Hardwicke will ever live down her unfortunate art house take in Twilight. Awkward close-ups and a cheesy ‘80s musical motif did not bode well for the Thirteen director in 2008. But Weitz, who most recently adapted and directed the Oscar-winning The Golden Compass, supplies the saga with an epic fantasy allure. Backed by credible CG effects (larger-than-life wolves) and striking scenery (deep green forests and rustic Tuscany), Weitz manages to hold our attention for over two hours.

And perhaps the best new addition to New Moon is competent actors. Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen join the cast as red-eyed bloodsucking members of the Volturi, a cruel Italian-based coven whom appear towards the film’s end. We can only eagerly await their return in the next one.

Just as cheesy as ever with a bit more action, it looks like the Twilight saga will live to see another day.


Danielle Jacoby

Still craving Twilight New Moon info and exclusive clips? Check out our rolling feed of Twilight News….

THE INFORMANT: On General Release across the UK from Friday 20th November 2009

In most movies, FBI agents struggle to persuade their moles to ‘wear a wire’, but Mark Whitacre is one snitch who can’t wait to go undercover.

He even provides a running commentary for the listening investigators…

The Informant! is a dark and unconventional comedy which deals with one of the largest white collar crimes in US history, and it all revolves around one affably complicated man who unconsciously leads a bunch of hapless feds on a merry chase.

Consequently, as the movie progresses, “That’s it – I’ve told you everything,” becomes the line which gets the most laughs and most of the comic money-shots are provided by the exasperation of other cast members as Whitacre drops yet another bombshell.

Yet it is amusing rather than funny and at times the piece descends into the realm of character study.

Consequently, not everything that Steven Soderbergh tries here comes off, but he does achieve a moody, original and irreverent yarn which could easily have been fashioned into a gripping thriller – if the story wasn’t so bloody ridiculous.

Matt Damon is excellent as the man in question, he tickles the audience with his naive lack of foresight and his enthusiasm to enter the world of espionage is innocently endearing (he calls himself 0014, because he’s “twice as smart as James Bond”.)

Meanwhile, his comically light-hearted inner-monologue – which covers all manner of subjects from Michael Crichton to polar bears – begins to betray the fact that something weird is going on in that chubby head of his.

When a simple lie ends up in a routine FBI investigation, Whitacre, the vice-president of agri-industry giant ADM attempts to save himself by revealing red-hot information on the firm’s price fixing tactics.

The delighted federal agents are even more pleased when he agrees to harvest the evidence they need to convict the bosses responsible. Unfortunately for the bureau, Whitacre hasn’t been exactly honest with regard to his own actions and as the situation starts to unravel, chaos ensues.

This is a film with several twists, but ultimately it remains an intriguing character study, and from the outset, Matt Damon owns this role and plays this daydreamer to the hilt – his excitement at the prospect of being a ‘secret agent’ is particularly disarming.

Whitacre is bright and affable, yet also deceptively deluded. But the real beauty of Damon’s performance comes in the way he reveals the nature of his character gradually, deftly coaxing the audience towards realisation.


Sean Marland

A SERIOUS MAN: On General Release across the UK from Friday 20th November 2009

In the rogues’ gallery of characters created by the Coen brothers, Larry Gopnik would stand out as neither the slickest nor the most entertaining – but in many ways he could be one of their finest.

And it’s fortunate that he is a serious man, because he’s got a list of problems that would make Jay-Z wince.

This latest offering from Joel and Ethan is already being hailed by some critics as their best yet, which is quite a claim considering the success they have enjoyed in a number of different genres.

Such talk is merely conjecture of course, but it is difficult to deny the class of this expertly-crafted sidewinder and for the brothers it represents a real return to their film-making roots.

The well-drawn characters, superb script and delicious sense of irony will make this dark comedy an underground hit to rival any of their other work.

Set in the same kind of Jewish community that the directors themselves grew up in, A Serious Man is a tale of a normal guys struggle to rationalise the misfortunes which befall him like a series of Egyptian plagues.

A passive-aggressive wife, a low-level blackmail campaign and the prospect of living at a motel with his neurotically unemployable brother are just some of the problems that Larry has to deal with.

However it is the palpable and hilarious dilemma he suffers as a professor of physics and a religious man which acts as the foundation for many of the comic asides. Subsequently, the film is adroit and subtly quick-witted, but cuts closer to the bone than many the pair have previously made.

This is undoubtedly due to the fact that it is set in the same Minnesota suburbs that they themselves grew up in, and we can easily imagine each character as an exaggeration of someone that lived down their road back in the sixties.

We just wonder who Larry’s pot-smoking son represent.

Hmmm…


Sean Marland

2012: On General Release across the UK from Friday 13th November 2009

Ah, the Nineties.

It was a simpler time, a time of summer blockbusters, a time when special effects were mind-blowing, not crass and overused, and Roland Emmerich knew how to cast a hero.

With Independence Day he created a classic – what other film sees Will Smith punching an alien in the face, and Randy Quaid saving planet Earth by shouting “UP YOURS!” whilst catapulting himself, kamikaze-style, in the core of a UFO spacecraft? My point exactly.

But since this 1996 epic, Emmerich’s work has been repetitive and lacklustre, relying too heavily on thrills and spills to entertain. His casting skills have also taken a wayward turn for the worst. 2012’s lead actor John Cusack is not Superman material. He’s at his best playing dorky vinylophile Rob Gordon in High Fidelity – a subtle comic character, not a musclebound action figure. But then again, Emmerich did cast Matthew Broderick as the protagonist in Godzilla, so we should have seen this coming.

After tackling aliens and climate change, Roland decides to get overzealous and unspecific with the danger in this film. As the planet’s core starts to boil, humans come under the threat of a smorgasbord of natural disasters – from tidal surges and volcanoes, to the Earth’s poles doing a violent switcheroo – frankly, it’s all just a bit over the top. John Cusack plays deadbeat writer Curtis Jackson, who learns of the planet’s impending doom from a hippiefied version of Woody Harrelson and then must save his extended family from becoming the main course of a nationwide human barbeque.

What annoys me is that the movie monikers Emmerich was famed for with Independence Day (remember the irony of REM’s “It’s The End of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” playing over the opening credits?), instead get uncomfortably shoe-horned into 2012, contributing to the largely bleak tone of the film.

But what I take most umbrage with is Emmerich’s prediction for the “continuation of our species”. Instead of pre-warning the masses of the planet’s untimely demise and holding a lottery to see who will make it onto the species-saving “Arcs” (a la Deep Impact), *SPOILER WARNING* the survivors of 2012 are the world’s elite – those who can afford the one billion euro tickets. Anyone who sought to inform the public about the core-boiling implications, was murdered in a worldwide government conspiracy, for fear of, gasp, making the stock markets crash or, God forbid, damaging the economy. When quizzed about this White House Chief Of Staff Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt) asks “What did you think we were going to do – hold hands and sing Kumbaya?” *SPOILER ENDS*

Perhaps I’m alone in this, but I think that would have sent an altogether healthier message about the power of the human spirit.


Sally McIlhone

If that hasn’t put you off, check out our exclusive 5 minute clip of one of the movie’s show-stopping action scenes (it’s really probably the best bit in it), or read up on how they’re turning it into a TV show….

HARRY BROWN: On General Release across the UK from Friday 13th November 2009

In a short speech before this screening, Michael Caine climbed to the stage and told everyone: “This is not a violent film – it is a film about violence.”

I wasn’t too sure that there was much of a difference between the two. But after viewing his latest piece, Caine’s words made a little more sense.

Harry Brown is a visceral portrait of urban Britain which tackles just about every issue the Daily Mail has a columnist for: family breakdown, drug abuse, youth violence, gang warfare, police bureaucracy, knife culture and even gun crime – it’s all here, and it’s right in your face from the very first sequence in which two adolescents shoot a young mum.

The film could frequently be accused of a heavy bias against the nation’ s youth, as it demonises teenagers almost without exception. However despite this slightly skewed slant, it manages to remain morbidly now.

A retired marine whose only daughter died when she was 13, Caine’s title character is man who seems to have been constantly surrounded by death. Unfortunately for him, not much changes as the cameras start to roll and he loses his terminally ill wife in the opening scenes.

A few days later, Harry’s friend Leonard – David Bradley of Harry Potter fame – tells him of his plan to confront the young thugs who have been tormenting him in recent weeks. When he is found dead in the stairwell of the tenement block, the police struggle to mount a case against some truly odious suspects, so Harry Brown decides to take matters into his own hands – and how.

The result is a version of Rambo which bears almost no parallel. This is gritty stuff which probes deeper than many have ever dared into the world of ASBO youth, and nothing is off limits.

While it is certainly guilty of over-egging the pudding in places, the writers might argue that a degree of sensationalism is needed to get a valid point across. Harry Brown is a fascinating piece of cinema and an absolute triumph for Caine, but be warned, it might lead you to consider the world a very different place once you leave the theatre.

From the opening stages, the stream of reprehensible characters is relentless, but this ruthlessly depressing film might strike a serious note with many older generations who have seen the level of youth violence soar in recent decades.

It left me asking: “Is it really this bad?”. If it is, then that is a very depressing thought indeed.

Sean Marland

He may have sorted out the scallies, but did Mr Brown make OTB’s list of the Hardest Harrys In Film History??

THE WHITE RIBBON: On general release across the UK from Friday 13th November 2009

Disturbing and delicious all at once, arthouse luminary Michael Haneke has done it again.

The White Ribbon, the Austrian director’s latest Palme d’Or-winning masterpiece, astounds us with a monochromatic portrait of a German village on the eve of World War I.

In the agricultural community of Eichwald, power resides in the hands of the Baron, whose estate employs half the population, and the Pastor, the leading light of Protestant values. As long as the children wear their purity-denoting white ribbons and the field hands continue their monotonous lives, the community remains quaint and orderly. But once the harvest season passes and a callous winter sets in, a series of mysterious events introduce chaos and mistrust.

It all begins when the local doctor falls off his horse after tripping over a suspicious wire in his garden. Some time later, a farmer’s wife dies in an accident whilst working at the Baron’s sawmill. But the attacks reach a climax when the midwife’s disabled son is tortured. For the subsequent two-and-a-half hours, the troubled villagers seek retribution.

The brilliance in The White Ribbon is Haneke’s ability to pull the rug from right under our feet. The shock-and-awe director of Hidden, Funny Games and Time of the Wolf brings that same sense of mystery to The White Ribbon through the use of a voyeuristic viewpoint and a detached narrator.

The story is told by an old man recounting his years as the 31-year-old village schoolteacher (Ernst Jacobi), who is enraptured by innocent 17-year-old Eva (Leonie Benesch). We melt over their blossoming romance—carriage rides and picnics. Meanwhile, we hear the muted cries of children beaten and daughters molested from outside bedroom doors in dark corridors. And we are helpless. It is those shocking contradictions that make The White Ribbon so compelling.

And despite its dead-end conclusion, The White Ribbon is striking to look at, troubling to endure, and absolutely worth a watch.


Danielle Jacoby

A CHRISTMAS CAROL: On General Release across the UK from Friday 6th November 2009

When it comes to quintessential Christmas flicks, what do you think of?

It’s A Wonderful Life? Too preachy. Bad Santa? Brilliant, but not really something you can imagine watching with your Nan in the post-turkey blowout veg-out.

Nope, it’s fair to say that The Muppet Christmas Carol truly is the Christmas gift that keeps on giving.

Unless you suffer from Mupaphobia, that is.

Either way, not only is it one of the best Christmas films ever, it’s a decidedly warm and snuggly take one of the greatest Christmas stories ever. Robert Zemeckis has big Santa-shaped boots to fill.

For the uninitiated, A Christmas Carol is a timeless moral festive tale set in the heart of Victorian London. Curmudgeonly old miser Ebenezer Scrooge is as thrifty with his finances as his emotions. After yet another grump-filled Christmas Eve, he is visited by the ghost of his old business partner Jacob Marley who insists he must repent and reform his sociopathic ways, lest he face an eternity trapped in agonising, penance-filled limbo.

With the help of visits from the Ghosts of Christmas Past (Carrey), Present (Carrey) and Future (yip, Carrey again), he must learn that money and solitude aren’t the only things worth living for.

While the overall tale is much like you’ve seen before in the upteen stage and movie versions of the tale, Zemeckis’ single-handed pursuit in embracing the cutting edge of celluloid technology ensures that the visuals are magnificently original.

Gone are the dead eyes of The Polar Express and the rippling pecs of Beowulf; it’s fair to say A Christmas Carol is the first time Zemeckis’ use of 3D motion capture truly, unreservedly succeeds. The fantastical blends – initially surreally – with the realistic and Jim Carrey’s multifaceted, chameleonic performances as the young, old, and otherworldly ghosts truly adds credence to the argument for this technology’s inclusion in modern cinema. No manner of make-up could convince us we’re looking at anything other than Jim Carrey in make-up; here, he simply embodies the characters we’re watching.

The 3D, too, is spectacular. There are a few more chase scenes than you’d expect from a Dickens book, and each one acts as a blow-you-away rollercoaster ride.

Where it does diverge from its recent popularist retellings however, is in the adherence to the true Dickensian dialogue and tone of the original. In fact, the ghosts – as magnificently as they’re brought to life – are genuinely unsettling, and it’s refreshing to see a ‘kids’ film that’s happy to embody the true nature of its source material and hark back to a time when it was acceptable to dazzle the rugrats with something designed to impact rather than pave the way for the inevitable merchandising deals.

However, for all its flashy special effects and polished performances, there’s something oddly jarring. By attempting to make it as kid-friendly as possible, there are short bursts of kaleidoscopic Disney magic that don’t sit rightly with the rest of the action. Sure, these set-pieces and magical touches entertain, but it’s all a bit random considering the faithful adherence to its Dickensian story.

This is further compounded with the realisation that – despite the christmas carols, buckets of snow and mirthful festivities – it simply doesn’t leave you with that cosy, Christmas glow you expect from the greats.

The Muppets still take the Christmas cake.


Matt Risley

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS: On General Release across the UK from Friday 6th November 2009

A forthright mass mobilising army, founded on secret experiments that test the boundaries of mental endurance, with death stares capable of neutralising wild, retarded animals at 10 paces.

At first glance, that’s one of two things.

A plot to a long-lost James Bond novel dreamt up during one of Fleming’s occasional experimental saké binges, or you’ve accidentally tuned into yet another episode of X Factor.

The reality however, is far more interesting if no less terrifying.

Adapted from the 2004 book of the same name, director Grant Heslov’s The Men Who Stare At Goats is a hilarious, warmly critical look at the US army’s own psychic cold war with the USSR.

Whatever your opinions on the US army, it’s fair to say they’ve made some occasionally baffling decisions in recent years. Yet if we’re to believe the disclaimer at the film’s opening (’most of this is more true than you’d believe’), trust us, ‘gay bombs’, bad breath attacks and the ‘Who, Me?’ farting bomb are just the tip of the loopy iceberg.

Jon Ronson’s original journalistic expose into the secretive ‘alternative’ war tactics employed by the USA has been tweaked and embellished to sustain a 90 minute, character-led narrative, but ultimately it’s essentially unchanged. Bob Wilton (the affable, suitably bewildered everyman played by Ewan McGregor) flees to Iraq after his wife leaves him, determined to prove a point to both his ex and his boss (who’s now dating his ex). The point in question, however, has gone more than a little AWOL.

With no direction and no real purpose, the arrival of Lyn Cassady (George Clooney, cementing his comedic chops) and his almost miraculous link back to a flippant news story back home sends Wilton on a journey of self discovery that simultaneously uncovers one of the weirdest military plans known to date.

Cassady claims he is a real-life Jedi Warrior (cue self-knowing McGregor nod); a special forces operative trained in the art of invisibility, death-stares (practiced on the titular goats) and persuasive, sparkly-eyed mind control. Delusional hippy or the greatest scoop Milton will ever get?

Either way, the journey for both viewer and Milton alike is sweetly, embracingly zen-like. While Cassady could quite easily come across as yet another post-war vet, rattled into craziness by the crushing realities of war, Clooney imbues him with a subtle pathos that makes him far less pathetic and far more admirable than you’d expect. Equally, Jeff Bridges almost manages to steal the show as The Big Lewbowski, Dude-esque Bill Django, the leader and spiritual progressionist of the Jedis who considers ‘hugging it out’ to be as effective an attacking technique as a volley of bullets.

Through LSD-spiking, terrorist abductions and some very entertaining attempts at Jedi manipulation, the trio win over the audience (and ultimately, each other) with their pacifist (the goat deaths aside) approach to modern warfare, satirising the incompetence and ludicrousness of the thought and backing behind the majority of modern warfare.

While the ending may veer just a little too much towards saccharine, ‘moral of the week’ storytelling, The Men Who Stare At Goats is a quirky, life-affirming take on the traditional war movie and almost justifies the craziness that inspired it.


Matt Risley

JENNIFER’S BODY: On General Release From Friday 6th November 2009

We’ve not been shy about the affection, shall we say, that we have for Megan Fox.

But we’ll also be honest and say that it is most definitely not based on her acting.

The ladies of OTB have admired her ballsy attitude in interviews and the gents have enjoyed her other attributes.

Well now even the ladies are gaga for Fox after seeing the Diablo Cody penned and Karyn Kusama directed Jennifer’s Body.

When indie rock band Low Shoulder arrive in the small town of Devil’s Kettle looking for a virgin to sacrifice, they come across hot high-schooler, Jennifer (Fox) and nerdy best friend, Needy (Amanda Seyfried). Unfortunately for the town, Jennifer wasn’t even a ‘back-door virgin’ and so the sacrifice goes awry, leaving her with a need to feed.

As Jennifer starts feasting on freshman, Needy is especially worried for boyfriend Chip (Johnny Simmons). To stop Jennifer munching on men, Needy’s got to toughen up. But can she go up against her childhood friend?

Megan Fox may be on all the posters, but make no mistake, this is Amanda Seyfried’s movie. She plays this horror comedy for all the drama it’s worth and by God she’s good at it. Getting much less press than Fox (because her ’smart bombs’ aren’t as big as Fox’s), you’ll definitely remember her from Mean Girls and Mama Mia.

And you’ll realise that she’s not only a better actress than Fox (not hard) but she’s just as sexy, only in a different way.

It seems Diablo spent all her time building up a character for Needy while Jennifer is left out in the cold. Needy’s realistic teenage reactions are far and above everything Jennifer is given to do e.g., look good and eat people.

The film also suffers from Fox throwing away some golden Diablo Cody lines, but those good lines are fewer than Juno and many might think that this is Cody’s difficult second film. It teeters between a horror, a comedy and a high school flick and never quite manages either well enough to define it. Cody’s efforts to make a cross between Carrie and Heathers come off as desperate but fun to watch.

In horror terms it’s fairly tame and there are no real scares. Rated with a 15 certificate we’re not surprised but the continual cutting away from the action doesn’t leave it to the imagination of the audience, it’s just unsatisfying. The comedy fares much better but lacks the sparkle and believability of Juno.

Praise must be given to Colin, a goth kid who falls foul of Jennifer’s demonic desires, played by Kyle Gallner. He’s really the only victim we might conceivably care about getting ripped to pieces. Plus he’s cute, even when he’s covered in goth make up.

So the script was so-so and Seyfried was the better actress. But the highlight of the movie is one of the sexiest scenes committed to celluloid in a while. Fox and Seyfried engage in a little girl on girl action in a super hot scene that has nothing to do with the film. At all. It’s totally gratuitous and totally awesome.

I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, you will be under Fox’s spell by the end of this movie. It’s a horror comedy for 15 year olds, but if you’re older you won’t get your kicks from this. And though Fox might still be the object of our affection, we’re definitely keeping an eye on Seyfried.


Emily Moulder

For more Fox-y goodness, check out our exclusive footage from the press conference of Transformers 2 where we met the lovely lady and saw her insult Michael Bay first hand, or for a look at a better horror film check out our review of Pandorum….