Big Brother Day 57: Failed Task

Housemates failed their cops and robbers task yesterday.

The group bodged most aspects of the challenge and will now have to live on basic rations for the next week.

Luke and Lisa were unable to pick out Rex’s girlfriend from a line-up, before Luke put his foot in it by labelling the arrogant chef’s real lover as “common”.

Hell housemates Dale, Darnell and former contestant Maysoon also proved their uselessness by failing to decipher a mathematical code to crack a safe.

And the Big Brother cops correctly identified Dale and Maysoon as the token thieves after the pair tried to distract the Heavenly housemates with claims of a rat in the garden.

Rex was peeved by Big Brother’s decision to punish all housemates despite him correctly guessing the culprits.

He said”I can’t believe it. In order to pass we are meant to get things wrong.”

Mikey added “They really wanted us to be bungling cops.”

Luke was similarly unimpressed by the results of the two-day challenge.

He said “We should be appalled. The entire house has been shafted. We failed every task other than the stake-out. What a disaster!”

Rex has accused Mikey of stealing Lisa’s knickers.

The trouble making chef pointed the finger at the blind radio producer after the former bodybuilder revealed the theft.

The 40-year-old sales rep told fellow housemates two pairs of her underwear - one which was “sexy and expensive” - have gone missing.

But before an investigation could be launched, wealthy playboy Rex was quick to place the blame on Mikey.

He said “I’ve seen you with people’s knickers.”

Mikey was previously slammed by former housemate Sylvia for wearing a pair of her knickers over his bunny suit for Mario’s fake stag do in week one.

Bully Rex also branded Mikey a “superfreak” this week after he pressed him on why he was holding one of Sara’s thongs, despite the comic saying it was clean and given to him by the sexy Australian.

Earlier in the week, Rex told Rachel she is “out of order” for not recognising Mikey as a “perv” because of his disability.

New Harry Potter Trailer Released

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince launched its campaign today, sending the net into a frenzy of debate and anticipation as shot by shot commentaries are appearing everywhere.

The sixth installment of this Uber franchise is destined for success, especially as the stars are getting older and more fanciable by a greater fanbase than just teenage girls. Emma Watson, who plays Hermione, is even at the nabbing up ridiculously well paid Chanel contracts and is rumoured to be replacing Keira Knightley in their next ad campaign.

The trailer itself shows a darker, more mature version of the film. Directed by David Yates, who also directed Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, so he knows the franchise well.

Critics anticipate a flop. Ha, as if. Actually its going to make bizillions of pounds.

Amy Rushed to Hospital Again

The past few months haven’t been easy for Ms Winehouse. Her beloved Blake Incarcerated is still in the slammer after beating up a barman, and Amy’s life has gone into something of a tailspin.

She was rushed to hospital on Monday after collapsing at her Camden home. Paramedics were called out at 8:40 p.m. and took her to University College’s A&E where she was placed under observation.

This is the second time she’s been hospitalised recently. She was diagnosed with early stage emphysema in June, but didn’t curb her hard partying ways. Maybe it’s time she got her act together…

Hilary Swank Celebrates Birthday

Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank turns 34 this July 30th.

She has started as a lowly c-grade actress with roles in Beverley Hills 90210 and Karate Kid 1 million (I mean The Next Karate Kid). She even appeared in the 1992 film version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Probably not her proudest moments.

Her big break was in the 1999 film Boys Don’t Cry when she starred as the androgynous Brandon Teena. This remarkable film made the critics go ballistic, as well as the Academy Awards Committee and she got her first Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role.

She has gone on to star in some turkeys (The Core, PS I Love you) but has never been afraid to take challenging roles.

She won another Oscar for the 2004 film Million Dollar Baby in which she starred opposite screen legend Clint Eastwood.

She is currently in Cape Town, South Africa, shooting a biopic about Amelia Earhart, the pioneering female pilot who disappeared whilst trying to circumnavigate the world. She stars opposite Richard Gere.

Natalie Portman, vegan shoe-designer extraordinaire, is guest judge on Project Runway

Last night, veggie actress Natalie Portman appeared on US’s Project Runway as a guest judge. The actress, who designs a vegan shoe line for Te Casan, was brought in to help critique the “green fashion” designs of the residual contestants. Aww, she’s so ethical and stuff.

The last fifteen competitors went crazy for Natalie when she was introduced. A beaming Natalie said that she was “so happy to be there…this is one of my favourite shows”.

Miss. Portman, a spokesperson for PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) and a life-long vegetarian, has decided to cash in her decency by sharing this passion with the world in the form of fabulous and fair footwear.

Coincidentally, the shoes debuted in February and are now on sale. She explains that her collection is a “great selection without compromising quality or style”.

It’s great when people seeing you as wonderful and principled makes you loadsa money. Let’s hope she’ll be giving it all to the animals of this world…

‘Batman’ Bale Accused of Attacking His Family

Being accused of assaulting your mother and sister doesn’t sound like the greatest way to promote your latest film.

Dark Knight star Christian Bale has been accused of attacking his 61-year-old mother Jenny and 40-year-old sister Sharon at London’s Dorchester hotel on Sunday. He’s denied the claims and has a team of hot-shot lawyers on hand to clear his name.

Welsh-born Bale, aged 34, was arrested by Met police and spent a day being quizzed at Belgravia police station. Well, makes a change from endless press junkets…

His legal team have stated that “Christian Bale… gave his account in full of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police.”

As for Mum and Sis, they’ve been keeping a low profile. Sharon spoke to the press from the window of her Dorset home and told them it was a “family matter”. Hmm…

Whatever happens, Warner Brothers has said that the inquiry won’t affect Dark Knight’s international press tour. “Everybody is continuing with business as usual,” a spokesperson said. Looks like all publicity is good publicity after all.

Peaches Geldof Overdoses

Peaches Geldof Overdoses C grade celebrity Peaches Geldof, famous for her parents and stupid name, is said to have suffered a drug overdose on Sunday in her North London home.

The 19 year old party girl had to be given mouth to mouth resuscitation by a friend after she went into respitory arrest. The Sun reported that ambulance services arrived to treat her at 4:45pm on Sunday.

Earlier this year she was caught on tape buying drugs, although charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Those who follow Geldof’s antics are aware of her reputation as a bit of a heinous talentless brat. It is good to know that even in near death, she is able to keep up her standards. As a source told The Sun:

“She started mouthing off and told the ambulance crew, ‘You have to respect my privacy’. She then told them to get out. And she refused to go to hospital to have further treatment because she was worried about it getting out.”

Obviously this last part was not avoided, possibly because the ambulance crew thought ‘wow what a cow’ and sold the story on.

We hope that her dad Bob Geldof takes her in hand some time soon.

J-Lo Gets Back to Business

Jennifer Lopez has returned to ‘work’ for the first time since her twins were born in February. ‘Work’ of course means having her photo taken in designer frocks and being bizillions of dollars for it.

The more b*tchy commentators have made a point to note that while she may have lost MOST of the three stone that she put on during her pregnancy, she still struggled to zip up her Oscar de la Renta dress. Of course, she did just have twins, so if any of those ‘commentators’ can fit into their size zeroes four months after popping two giant new people from their bellies then they can say whatever they like. Since they probably haven’t then they should maybe just ssshhhh up.

On the other hand, looks like J-Lo has gone back to her old Diva habits by insisting that the twins Max and Emme never wear the same outfits twice, ever in their lives. We hope she sends on the second hand Dolce and Marc Jacobs to starving African children so the money isn’t, you know, wasted.

Lopez will be returning to work this year on several films- Love and Other Impossible Pursuits and The Governess.

Nicole Kidman has her baby and gives it a silly name

Nicole Kidman and her other half, Keith Urban, have given birth to a baby girl. Yesterday, the couple welcomed their new addition in Nashville, Tenesse. Urban was at Kidman’s side when the teeny 6 pound, 7 ounce baby Sheila was born.

And, in true celebrity form, the couple have given their daughter a pretty silly name – Sunday Rose Kidman Urban.

Indeed, sounding rather like the meal you sit down to at the end of the week may cause problems for little Sunday Roast later in life, who is frankly going to be stuck with jokes revolving around potatoes and gravy for the rest of her days.

I think we can all see what happened here. Obviously, Kidman was craving a bit of Yorkshire pud on the Sunday but subsequently went into labour, which lasted until Monday. In a feverish state of hunger all she could think of when the nurse handed her her new daughter was the meal she missed, thus exclaiming “Sunday Roast!” – Lesson: never give birth on an empty stomach.

Jude Law and Lily Cole – are they or aren’t they?

Rumour has it that international supermodel, Lily Cole, and drippy actor Jude Law are an item. The pair have been spotted in each other’s arms a number of times over the last couple of weeks.

Law, 35, who is fifteen years Cole’s senior, was initially seen escorting the flaming beauty to a Radiohead concert in Victoria Park where they enjoyed a summer evening together listening to the highly acclaimed band. At a later date, they apparently went to the theatre and spotted looking cosy over dinner in Covent Garden and Cole was photographed leaving Law’s flat the next afternoon.

According to the Sunday Mirror, a source commented, “Jude was keeping low-key. They were deep in conversation and making each other laugh…There was no blatant kissing but it was obvious they were more than just friends. Jude was being very affectionate and gazing into her eyes.”

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